Vita est Lavorum

Whata we used to think was
whena you die
The soul leavesa the body.
Itsa kinda like a little bubble ina Seven Up
You know
it justa goesa shootin’ upa there.

And we usta think
There wasa different levels in heaven.
Anda dependin how Holy you are.
The lighter the soul is.
So if, you know, you’re a real good a very very a nicea person
You cana goa way way upa high
And be witha God
Anda other nicea people likea youself.
And if youra real, real bada person,
Your soul mighta justa raise a lika four feet.
You mighta have to spend eternity
Hangin around the grill of some cheapa restaurant.
Anda thatsa foevever. Forever.
I know some priests they say forever, and ever.
I really don’t think the “and ever” isa necessary.
Forever, really kinda covers it you know.
Forever meansa forever, what do you want.
Forever, Forever.
Well, we found outa that’s a nota true.
There are no levels in heaven.
We found outa the truth
Froma something called the factum aletter
happened ina 19a17
there wasa this miracle in a Portugal
anda these three little aPortugesesa kids
They was givena thisa letter
And they was told
Give the letter to the Pope
And tell him don’t open it tilla 19a60
What it was about was the secret of life
What happens to you when you die
All that stuff.
Anda what ita said
Right at the top,
Big capital letters,
Said -- Vitem -- Est – Lavorum.
That means “Life -- Is – A Job”.
Thatsa why, you know, you thinka life is a so harda
So difficulta most of the time.
Thats cause itsa job,
whata you want,
it’s justa work.
That’s what it’s about,
And ita said that each of us is getting paid
$14a50 aday.
That’s our wages a $14a50 aday.
And what happens to you when you die
The soula does leavea the body.
And then you see yourself going down
Thisa long, long, long darka tunnel
And your whole life flashes before you.
From the day you wasa born till the day you die.
Then
You come to the end of the tunnel,
And God is there awaitin for you.
And he looks you straight in the eye,
And then,
He pays you.
You see, he knows you wasa comin,
He’sa likea phsycic
He knowsa everything.
And he figured it all up in advance.
$14a50 times the number of days
You was alivin
And he gives you all thisa money.
And you got all thisa money in front of you.
And then,
He starts going over all of your sins.
And you have to pay for your sins.
Maybe you hearda that expression
You know, you have to pay for your sins.
Thatsa the Truth.
We do have to Pay for our sins.
In cash.
Itsa casha deal.
Itsa likea maybe when you was a little kid
Maybe stole a bag of potato chips.
That might be like six dollars afine.
Gotta give him backa six dollars.
Lying, everytime you lie ten dollars.
Ten, ten, ten, ten,ten,ten,ten.
Justa shell it out, every single alie ten dollars.
Ten.
Murder
Athatsa the worst one.
One hundred thousand dollars.
Masturbation.
I don’t know.
Twenty-five athirty-fivea cents would be my guess.
That’sa cheapa sin.
But it cana mounta up.
You know, aperiod of time.
thirty-fivea, thirty-fivea, thirty-fivea, thirty-fivea, thirty-fivea, thirty-five.
Well, if you have enougha money,
To pay off alla you sins,
Then, you get to go to heaven.
But, if you don’t have enough,
Then you have to go back and bea born again.
It’sa kinda like goin’a back to work after a little vacation.
Somea real abada people, likea Mafioso types
Might have to spenda four or fivea lifetimes as nuns
Justa makin’ upa for it.
Most nuns are former Mafioso,
I don’t know if you know that.