Pillsbury Dough-boy Dies

The Pillsbury Doughboy died Monday, of a severe yeast infection, and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 81. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.

Celebrities by the baker's dozen turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth's, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, Martha White, Sara Lee, Duncan Hines, Count Chocula ... and Capt. Crunch. The California Raisin's choir sang, "The Loaf's Prayer". The Gravesite was pilled high with enriched flowers. As long-time friend Aunt Jemiamah delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who often spoke of his younger days, unting chocolate mousse back home, in the hills of Bavarian Cream. She went on to say, he was a hummber fritter, and never knew how much he was "kneaded".

This best friend and confidant, Rocky Road spoke of their early days of playing around with Italian Meringues and LadyFingers, but later in his day-old days, he was happy with his wife and family in their gingerbread home next to the muffin man, on Drury Lane. Doughboy rose quickly in show business pie-pan circles, but his later life was stuffed with many turnovers.

He was not considered the smartest cookie in the batch, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes, and decorated tarts with sprinkles. Described in many recipes as a little flaky texture at times, but after his mid-life turnovers, even as a crusty old tart, many of the young gingersnaps Jello-molded their lives after him.

His autobiography, "Souffle" has risen to #1 on the best-seller list. His 2nd wife, Butter-Cream, formally Miss PlayDough of the month, survives Doughboy, along with their Twinkies, Eclaire & Pate". Mrs. Dough said, of their 40-year recipe for marriage, "It was a piece of Cake".

The funeral was held at 350 degrees for about 45 minutes, until he was golden brown. May he rest in yeast.