LINGUINI AND BOB RESTAURANT

When dining formally, in order to avoid an embarrassing utensil faux pas, observe the following protocol: Begin by locating the seafood fork which lies horizontally across your plate. Grasping this fork between thumb and forefinger, proceed to shove it into the ear of the person directly to your left. Next, to impress business associates, stick your soup spoon up your nose and exclaim, “Look at me, I’m a bowl of soup.” When the entree arrives, use the butter spreader to catapult particularly juicy portions onto the balding heads of nearby diners. And finally, quietly finish with the dessert utensils found at the top of your plate. All the while, of course, making odd gurgling noises and clucking like a chicken. This lesson in table etiquette has been brought to you by Linguini and Bob, who invite you to enjoy serious Italian food in a not-so-serious atmosphere. Linguini and Bob, now open at Butler Square in Minneapolis.