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    Big City Hypnotist

    We don't cotton to your kind coming around here, Mr. Big City Hypnotist! Always waving your watch in front of other people's faces, snapping your fingers, and expecting folks to be doing things you tell them to do. It just ain't right! You're gonna regret the day you ever came into this here town, old son. Now I'm gonna go and get my two brothers and we're gonna come on back with our shotguns and teach you a lesson....

    (finger snap!)

    But first you're gonna come on into the house where my wife is gonna make you a dinner with all the finest fixin's my farm can provide. I'm even gonna get you a porterhouse steak from one of my finest cows. By the time we're done with you, you ain't never gonna want to come back to this here town, Mr. Big City Hypnotist!

    Well looky what we got here. Mr. Big City Hypnotist done come into our town all dressed in his fancy tuxedo. I'm willing to bet you is one o'them there funny boys from the west coast, now ain't ya? Thinkin' you can come in here and wave your hands in people's faces, make 'em quack like a duck! Your kind really tears my hide! Now I'm gonna give you fifteen minutes to head out into them there woods behind ya before I gits my hunting rifle and my dogs out the pen......

    (finger snap!)

    First thing I'm gonna do though, is sign over this here pink slip for my brand new 4x4 flat bed truck you was admiring. Then I'm a gonna git down on my knees and beg you to let me fill that there tank with free gas! Weee doggie! I'm gonna have some fun showing you just who's boss round these parts, Mr. Big City Hypnotist!

    I just can't understand why you and your kind think y'all is so high and mighty, Mr. Big City Hypnotist! All that there magic taint notin' but fancy engineering what's sposed to make ordinary folks think you is some kinda magician. Taint nothing but trickery, shadows and light's all 'tis. Y'know jus cuz we lives out here in the brush, don't means we is dumb as a fence post! You just wait right here, son. Imma get the towns people together and were gonna run you out of this town on a rail!

    (finger snap!)

    But first you is gonna elope with my 19 year old daughter, and in the morning, when you is long gone, we aint gonna remember your name, or your face, or where you ever came from, Mr. Big City Hypnotist!

    Big City Hypnotist.
    A new series this fall on Comedy Central


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