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    Richard Nixon: A Fantasy

    Winchell: Our story begins on June 17th, 1972. A band of trained political saboteurs, the feared plumbers squad, entered Presidential Campaign Headquarters at the Watergate hotel. Seven men were arrested, however, one escaped.

    Nixon: Pat! Pat! Lock the door!

    Winchell: Feeling trapped in desperate betrayal on all sides, Nixon needed help, so on a grey Tuesday morning the Presidential limousine arrived at a fortress family like compound on Long Island, where a secret meeting was to take place.

    Brando: Why didn’t you come to see me before? If you had come to see me before, the scum, the scum that devastated your daughter.... you wouldn’t be suffering this very day.

    Nixon: You don’t understand, Godfather, my daughter is fine. I’m the one who’s suffering.

    Brando: Then why did you come to see me, huh? What service may I do for you?

    Nixon: I have to get out of the Watergate mess, quickly, so quickly you wouldn’t believe it.

    Brando: Do you want justice?

    Nixon: Not necessarily.....

    Winchell: Nixon was now called before a federal grand jury to answer some questions. Entering the court room Richard Nixon was himself bugged by one reporter he did not want to talk to.

    Cosell: This is Howard Cosell reporting. Mr. Nixon just a few words, please! You’ve been counted out before in ‘60 and ‘62... but you’ve always managed to resuscitate yourself. And now you face a most serious crisis. Probably the most serious crisis in the history of your career.

    Nixon: Go away, Howard! Go away!

    Cosell: Ladies and gentlemen, the word: Impeachment, the man: Richard Milhouse Nixon!

    Nixon: The word: OBNOXIOUS!, the man: Howard Cosell!

    Cosell: Well, fans, you’ve heard the spunk left in this game fighter. He’s entering the court room, now, back to the action.

    Judge: Order in the court! Order in the court! Silence! Or I’ll clear the room! Bailiff! Call the next witness!

    Bailiff: Richard Nixon please take the stand. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God? Well?

    Nixon: I’m thinking....

    Judge: Mr. Perry Mason, please begin the cross examination.

    Burr: Mr. Nixon, isn’t it true that you ordered the Watergate bugging?

    Nixon: I went to China, I went to Russia..... I wasn’t in town....

    Burr: Isn’t it true, Mr. Nixon, that you not only ordered but planned and participated in the Watergate bugging?

    Nixon: I am not now, nor have I ever been, mechanically inclined!

    Burr: Isn’t it true, Mr. Nixon hat you hate Democrats? Isn’t it true that you’ve always hated Democrats? Isn’t it true that as a young girl, your wife Pat, was bothered by a democrat.... who attempted to force her to change her voters registration in the back seat of a buick? Isn’t it true, Mr. Nixon? Isn’t it true?

    Nixon: All right I’ll admit it! I’ll tell everything! Just get these damn jowls off my head! It’s true, I did it! I had to do it. I’d do it again! I had to stop the Democrats! They’re all a bunch of pinkos! Muskie was a Democrat, he didn’t know that! So was McGovern and Joe Stalin, too! (Shifts to Bogart in “Mutiny on the Bounty”)They plotted against me! They fought me at every turn! I tried to reason with them, but they wouldn’t listen to me! They had the keys to the food locker and strawberries! All my staff! Ehrlichman! Haldeman! Dean! Ah, Dean! Dean had more than HIS share of strawberries, he had cool whip on top of them! I knew it! I tried to fight them, but the wouldn’t listen to me!


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